I feel spoiled. My parents and our whole family around a dinner table was perfection. Hubby provided roses & a grilled steak, roasted potatoes, and fresh salad dinner complete with chocolate cake (decorated by Michelle). My mom and dad bought me sweet and thoughtful gifts (including a mug Natalie had painted when my mom took her to Crackpots this summer) and even stayed to watch K Pop Demon Hunters in the basement. We thought it would be hilarious to watch them watch something so different from their favorite shows. They did not disappoint. It was a joyful evening that made me feel much better about turning 45 than I felt earlier in the day. Below you’ll find what I had written before we celebrated. Photo credit goes to Kate!
10 Years Ago I filled out interview questions for my 35th birthday and 5 years ago I did the same, adding 5 more questions. I really don't think I should add 5 more every year because this is probably already too much information for anyone to actually care about. So feel free to skip this! Questions with an * are ones I left the same answer as what I wrote 10 or 5 years ago (aka not written today).
* 1. I was born the same year: CNN was, Mount St. Helens erupted, the Rubik's Cube and Post-It Notes hit stores in the United States, John Lennon was shot and the famous hockey game that was later turned into the movie Miracle occurred.
2. What music you'll find me listening to all the time: Niall Horan is still my favorite artist but I must admit the most recent albums I've listened to are the K Pop Demon Hunters and Wednesday Season 2 soundtracks. I think I'm going to find some of these answers amusing.
3. Where are you now? Sitting in the master bedroom with my laptop on my lap. The iMac I used 5 years ago sadly is no longer with us/working.
4. What is the date? 8/23/25. I'm a bit early this year but it was Hubby's turn to take Natalie to softball and my high schoolers have their own things going on.
5. What is the weather like? Muggy. Unusual for here.
6. What’s the last movie that you saw? Journey 2 on Netflix with Hubby and Natalie last Saturday night.
7. *Who are you in love with? Hubby. 8. *Who is your best friend? Same answer!
9. What do you wish you could own right now? Our house and cars. As in completely own instead of making payments on. Being debt free sounds amazing right now.
10. What do you want your next vacation to be? I want to go to New York City to watch Tom Felton in Harry Potter and the Cursed Child on Broadway and show my children who haven't been there all the touristy sights. Then for our next trip I want to ride rides I've never ridden before in Orlando with our extended family. (I think it's really neat that 5 years ago I answered that I wanted us all to go to Hawaii and we were able to do that and it was the best vacation ever!)
11. What are you most worried about? The safety of my family members.
12. What is one amazing thing you expect to do in the coming year? Attend Kate's high school graduation!
13. What is your favorite recent memory? Natalie and I laughing so hard at Instagram reels on the sofa together that I was wondering if she was going to have an asthma attack.
14. What made you laugh the hardest most recently? A reel that had cooking accidents (and others).
15. What are your wishes for the upcoming year? That all 6 of us will achieve the goals we have set ourselves for this school year and work.
16. What do you think you will be doing this time next year? Being amazed that I had one child graduate the year before, have one graduating that year, and have one graduating the year after that.
17. What’s your favorite book and why? I cannot keep staring at this screen trying to pick a favorite but I can tell you that my favorite authors are Liane Moriarty (I started listening to Gone One Moment today), Kristin Hannah, and anyone who can make me laugh.
18. What’s your favorite movie and why? I'm going to take a note from Lili Reinhart and say the movies that make me feel things. Some are joyful. Some are moving. And some (think classic Pixar) are both.
19. *What have been the biggest news events during your lifetime? Falling of the Berlin Wall. I remember my dad asking me to come watch the news, telling me I wouldn't understand the significance now, but that later I would understand just how important it was. I would have to say 9/11 as well. [I am sure the pandemic is going to stand the test of time as well.]
20. *If you could travel into the future, would you rather see something that specifically relates to you, or something that relates to the future of the country in general? Why? It would be nice to see if my children ended up happy in their teenage or adult lives but often the future is something we are protected from to make sure it does not alter our choices.
21. If you could have three wishes, what would they be? I was being way too serious when I answered this in 2020 but it tracks. 1.) That those in power would put the needs of the people ahead of their own desires. 2.) That life coaching (Jody Moore style) was taught in all middle schools and high schools and colleges and work places. 3.) That my family and all those I encounter could know that even though I am not exactly what they would have ordered off the menu, I tried and I love them.
22. *If you won $1 million tomorrow, what would you do with the money? Well, I'm sure the government would take half, but we could still pay off the house and go on some great vacations and buy [myself] the new car. And donate some to the Perpetual Education Fund, the Missionary Fund, and the Humanitarian Aid fund. 2025 edit: I would just take out the missionary fund. I kind of feel bad for being a white person going to Asia and convincing Chinese people to live more like me for over a year. I do still love the gospel but could never do that again.
23. What’s the highest honor or award you’ve ever received? Being Dan's wife and my children's mom.
24. *What’s the most memorable phone call you’ve ever received? My mind travels to being on the phone in Grandma W's dinning room, hearing that I needed to go to Minneapolis if I wanted to say good-bye to my grandmother before she died. I still miss my mom's mother. I wish she could still give me advice and sympathize with me. Of my 4 grandparents, I seem to be the most like her and she was the last grandparent I had on this earth.
25. What Was The Most Important Thing You’ve Done So Far? Existed. You are of value from the time you are an infant and nothing can ever change that.
26. When Was The Last Time You Cried? This morning. I'll explain below.
27. What Is The Best Thing That Could Happen To You Right Now? If God promised me all of my children would outlive me and also find their own happiness.
28. What’s The First Thing You Do In The Morning? Let Maisie out of her kennel, adjust the thermostat on the way to take her downstairs and let her in the backyard, turn on the master bathtub faucet for her to drink out of while I pee, and either start getting ready for the day or crawl back into bed. This morning routine can start at 3am or 6am so that last part really depends on what time the dog wakes me up.
29. What Are You Thinking Just Before Going To Bed? Ahhh. Bed.
30. If There’s One Thing In Your Life You Want To Change Right Now, What Is It? The fact I ate too much junk food with the excuse of it being my birthday. I kind of want to vomit now.
31. Sum Up Your Life In One Sentence: An only child trying to show up in her family and the world the best that she can.
32. Name The Thing That Annoys You The Most: a certain student's "hummmm" noise. There is just something about that sound that makes my skin crawl and gives me a headache if I hear it for too long.
33. What Makes You Laugh? My family. Especially Danny. He gives the best hugs too.
34. Picture Yourself In 5 Years From Now. If I'm not having my midlife crisis at 45, I'll be having it at 50. Natalie will be out of the middle school by then so I may or may not still be working there. I'll decide when she's about to go into high school. My older 3 may or may not be in college or out of the house. With this economy, who knows if they will be able to afford their own place.
35. If you have time alone, what do you do? Cleaning, laundry, organizing, blogging, scrapbooking, taking Maisie on a mile walk, doing my knee exercises, and eating peacefully -- usually while watching something like my YouTube or listening to a podcast or audiobook. I am also trying to call my parents just to talk at least once a week.
36. What are the last three nonfiction books have you read lately? Elivs and Me (due to our visit to Graceland last month), Dreams of My Father, and Multipliers (what Hubby is reading for work) are the last 3 I've read.
37. What are the last three fiction books have you read lately? The House on Mango Street (because it was on my kid's high school reading list), Heiress Takes All (not great), and How to Survive Your Murder (because Michelle was reading it). Let's just say I won't be recommending any of them for book club.
38. *What are the three things you are most grateful for today? Living how, where and when I do.
39. What is on the calendar and to-do list today? Michelle's volunteer parent meeting video call, Natalie's softball practice, and having my parents come over to celebrate my birthday.
40. What are you going to do now that you have your birthday interview completed? Help Hubby put away what he bought at Costco on the way home from softball practice. I am a lucky birthday girl!
Written earlier today (see #26):
Now on to something sad and serious that happened to my mother’s family before I was born. Why? Because this explains why I am terrified of turning 45. This is part of my attempt to self coach myself through negative emotions so feel free to skip and we’ll see you in the next blog post. Trigger warning: car accident and cancer.
You may know that I am an only child, but you may not know that I was the only grandchild for 3 out of my 4 grandparents. My dad’s dad had other children and grandchildren that I only spent time with a handful of times in my life. But I have great memories of my Grandpa making me laugh as he spent summers with us. My dad’s mom passed away when I was too young to remember her but by all accounts that was my loss because she was known for her Christlike love and was greatly missed by all who knew her, including my mom, her daughter-in-law. My mom parent’s had and still have such a great influence on my life. I can still tell you their phone number instantly even though my grandmother has been gone for over 18 years. My grandparents were globe trotters that took jobs in places like the Middle East and Africa. They were generous with their time and resources beyond anything I can imagine myself being/doing today. I remember having a conversation with my grandmother when I was 16 years old and thinking that she was one of the neatest people I had ever met. They were also people that I did not fully understand or appreciate until after they were gone. And somehow my terror is making me feel like I have a glimpse of what she went through when she was my age. And how brains might switch math around to try to help you cope with your emotions.
There were two major events that were critical in her middle age and in my mother’s youth. In my head, my grandmother got cancer when she was 45 and my mother was 10 and my mother’s only sibling died in a car accident when my mother was 12 (Natalie’s current age) and my grandmother was 47. I had a cancer scare last year that led to my hysterectomy but all is well for me in that department as of now but I cannot imagine the kind of treatments and pain my grandmother went through to fight cancer in the 1960s. That alone would be a lot to handle. But in 1962 my mom’s only sibling died in a car accident while driving on a “highway” in a “two car collision at an intersection.” My uncle’s death changed his newlywed bride’s and my family’s lives forever. I carried the grief into my adult life and when I was a newlywed and Hubby was driving to and from work without me I would panic if he wasn’t home on time. He soon learned to give me a quick call before he left his cubicle so I would know when to expect him and eventually I didn’t need to do that anymore. And now. Now I panic pretty much anytime my son gets into a car or today, when Hubby got in the truck to take Natalie to softball practice, because today is the day we chose to celebrate my 45th birthday early with my parents. My brain tried to protect me. It tried to say that my grandmother was 47 when her only son died. But as part of me trying to wrap my head around the fear and grief I was feeling for my family’s loss and the fact I never appreciated my grandparents enough, I looked up my uncle’s death certificate. It was tragic for so many reasons. Age 22. They spelled my grandmother’s first name wrong. His bride’s signature. You can only read a few words in the cause of death because of the doctor’s bad handwriting. He lived for two hours after the accident. I didn’t have his birthday or his death day memorized. Oh, how I wish I would have known to mark those days with my mom and my grandparents. The loss. The terrible loss of losing your only sibling or your only son. The fact that my grandmother was 45 and her daughter was 12 when he died. Those numbers. My grandmother was the age I am about to turn when her only son died in a car accident. I am not okay. And it’s ok to not be ok. Sometimes you need a good cry. The logical part of my brain tells me that just because I will be 45 and Natalie is 12 it does not mean my son is in danger. But the grief passed down to me through my mom and the regret I feel for not being more understanding is my own. I am trying to allow myself time to process when it is convenient and so far it is working. I am putting all those life coaching skills I have been learning the last 5 years to use! I don’t think my family has any idea how much I am screaming on the inside every time my son says goodbye as he leaves the house. Or how much his hugs mean to me when he comes home. I just keep trying to show up as the mom I want to be to my kids. Maybe I’ll live till I’m 90 like my grandmother. And maybe I’ll be as neat of a person as she was by the time I am that age. But I doubt it. And I actually don’t want to be. Because then I might have to go through what she did to get there. So I will just say a prayer to ask God to let my grandparents know that I am grateful for them, for what they went through, and how they have blessed my life... and that I’m sorry I did not understand more sooner.
Written 8/23/25
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